We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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