you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
