I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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