Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
