actually, I'm a sock model
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
