You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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