Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
