How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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