I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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