Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
