I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
