Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
