he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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