I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
