I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
