I queefed so loud it echoed.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
