Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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