I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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