Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
