You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
