I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I don't deserve a penis
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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