i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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