My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
