u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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