Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
honey bunches of taint.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
