We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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