Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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