my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
