Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
