he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize