i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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