I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
