wrigley field is MILF paradise
I wish you could order shots online.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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