Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
