drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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