Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
