My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
