I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
