'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
