Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I love you. Go after that dick
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
