I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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