it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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