Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
