in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
