come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
how does that bad decision feel?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
