Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
