That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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