Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i would one night stand the shit outta him
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
