She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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