Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
