I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
