News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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