I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
