That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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