tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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