Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Watching her eat just hurts me
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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