He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
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