sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
