I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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