evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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