I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
