Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
