the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
