Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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