I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
