I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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