smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
