Someone shit on the floor
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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