one word: firstdatebathroomanal
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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