we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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