Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
