everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
