those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
this is an emotional support booty call
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
