I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
