just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
