Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
