now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
