we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
