where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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