My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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